Finally at last. Melbourne was fun, my friend came and picked me up from the airport, had dinner followed by many cocktails. The cute guy who worked they’re gave me a free cocktail on the house, we spoke a fair bit, I gave him my number. I’m all excited like a little girl, I don’t even know how to flirt or tune guys anymore since the past 4 years I’ve been only dating girls aaaahhh !!!
It was a hard year but I got through it and I’m still here today positive, excited, yet slightly nervous for 2012.
“Being nervous is a good thing it means you’re hungry for what you really want.”
New outlook on life. New feelings. New perspective. All while coming down as well. Suprised? I am. Let home this new attitude lasts.
Because I love you and I don’t even know you
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Because its not worth it, it won’t fit anything.
Because life is too short.
My mind is every where right now.
My career, my family, love life or what there is lack of, 2012, people, honesty, deception and lies.
This time last year I had nothing. I just stopped taking drugs. I was seeing an amazing girl that I fucked over because I was too much into my clubbing life. No job, no money.
This year I got the job I wanted, got money, lost all my friends, stopped taking drugs, lied, hurt people, fucked up again. Fucked my career.
What is wrong with me?
Why do I do stupid things?
It’s not worth it yet I’ll do it time and time again. I need to learn. I need and want to become a better people. I want to be someone I am proud of. I want to be someone who makes others smile. Though there is a massive hole in my heart. This hole makes me selfish. Do the unkind, inhuman, in decent, spiteful things. Lord help me fill this hole in my heart. Help me be a better person. Help me love and be selfless. I beg of you. Amen.
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I just want to be skinny. I just want to me happy. I just want everything to e ok. I just want someone to have faith in me to help me help my self. Fuck I can’t do this anymore.
